The gist of the story: I told a friend everything about my new relationship. She told him that I told her all the “juicy details”. He told me that she told him that I told her (did you follow that?) everything. Should I forgive her and move on? Or should I kick myself for my own naïve stupidity?
All around me it seems like my friends are getting married and/or having babies. Never mind that I’m only 24 and most of my friends are considerably older than me (I’m talking 28-32; don’t ask my why), but I started to realize that I should be involved with someone, even if it’s just to test the waters. So I put it out there that I was finally looking to find someone.
What was I doing this whole time, you may be wondering? Well, in high school I was a floater and hung out mostly in the library. Then when I got to university, I was focused on my schooling as my plan was to attend law school (in the States) and move away. After graduating with my B.A., attending law school forums, reading the books, taking multiple practice tests, then finally taking the actual LSATs, receiving the results … wait for it … I simply changed my mind. (The reason behind that pain-staking decision is for another blog post altogether.) Since I was no longer fulfilling my dream of attending law school and truly making something of myself, I took a “government” job up the street from my house and worked there for 2 years. I rarely (maybe 3 times max) went to clubs, and I preferred to spend my time either in libraries or community centres: I read lots of books and I play volleyball, soccer, and dodgeball for my physical health. I rarely talk to strangers – sounds childish, I know – due to the high-security job that my mother holds. Plus, you just never know who you are talking to.
Saying all that to say this (my Grandma’s favourite line, who also turns 70 today by the way!), I was finally ready to put myself out there, romantically. I put up a dating profile online to “cast my net”, and from that I met a couple of the guys – in very public places. Obviously, nothing panned out from those encounters but the experiences weren’t bad. Then a co-worker, I’d even go as far as to say she became a friend, texted me a # of a friend of hers. (Of course, we had talked at work and she knew about my woes and fears about dating.) I mulled over the # on my phone for a few minutes, but I eventually sent him a text. He responded. We went back and forth for about half an hour before he asked if he could call me; I agreed. (I had to because it seems I’m the only one who likes to text/email/write letters/blog, lol.) So then we talked. He asked questions … I asked questions. I found out we’re both Jamaican and born in September – double positive. (Plus later I found out he lives about a 4 minute drive from my house.) After talking for a while, he said, “I don’t think this will work.” Ok, fine with me seeing as how we never even began. That ended the call.
Two days later, I get a text from Mystery Man (henceforth known as MM) saying that he’d at least like to meet me as at least would like to put a face to my voice. I agree as my interest has also been piqued. I agree to venture over to his place as he has the still-in-theatres-bootleg version of Django Unchained. We watched movies … we talked … interest further piqued. To cut another long story short, we began to see each other as we were such opposites. They say opposites attract … hard!
After a few weeks had gone by, I decided to let my friend/co-worker know that I really appreciated that she had shared MM’s number with me. She asked how it was going and I – like a chatterbox who has been deprived of human interaction – opened up and told her everything. I mean EVERYTHING: how our dates went, what happened, how I was feeling … everything! And do you know what she did? She went back to MM and told him what I told her (in what I assumed was “girlfriend confidentiality”). Of course I was still seeing him, so he told me that she called him and said that I hold spilled my guts and told her every minute detail. I was mortified!
I was mortified for two reasons: 1 at being so openly caught for blabbing all of my intimate business. And 2, for trusting a “new friend” with my intimate business. I really could not tell which was worse: being busted or being ratted on.
How are things now? That friendship has never been the same. In fact, we now act more like business acquaintances/colleagues, which I see it should have been like that the whole time. I’m still seeing MM, but to be fair, we have started to see each other again. I have not told my co-worker nor do I intend to. She knows I’m seeing someone, and I’m sure she has guessed that it’s him, but I have not uttered a word about my personal life to her. Once bitten … twice shy!
Y.F.Thompson 